Is there anything worse than the moving process? My roommate and I are on the hunt for housing in Long Beach. Today we had an appointment to look at a great apartment in our price range in an awesome location. When we got there we found out it was rented this morning. It was SO disappointing. We also called on a bunch of places that ended up being out of our price range. And I know it takes time and we just have to keep looking, and blah blah blah, but ugh. Can't this be done yet? And, I know that even once we find something, the headache is far from over-I have to pack up all my crap (which I have a lot of), figure out utilities, buy new furniture, and then actually move. The prospect of all of this has put me in quite the funk.
I think the hardest part of it is that I am just a smidge controlling. And by just a smidge, I mean extremely. I like to have a plan, to know what is going to happen in my life. I always have a five-year-plan, just like Stalin (although with less emphasis on controlling Russia). And right now there are many unknown variables in my life. I'm not good at that. This morning at church Pastor Lou said that the need for control stems from fear. Fear that if you surrender control, things won't work out. That you won't be cared for or provided for. You won't get what you want and you won't be happy.
So what casts out fear? Perfect love. Perfect love enables you to trust that even when you relinquish control you will be provided for. That God cares for you so much that he will not hang you out to dry. Things don't always work out how you would plan or even in the ways that make you the most happy, but they work our according to his purpose. So, I need to trust that. And relinquish that control. But the vise grip I have on my life is hard to release. So, if anyone wants to speak truth into my life in regard to this issue, I'm all ears. (or eyes if it's via email/blog comment).