Relax?

So, after my first year of teaching one of my co-workers wrote this in my yearbook: "Have a good summer, Jessica, and try to relax. Yeah, maybe even relax."

I remember thinking, "What is he talking about? I totally know how to relax. I'm not THAT high-strung."

After my first two days of vacation though, I am thinking he may have a point. Thus far I have:
*read two books
*done my laundry (no small feat)
*finished half of a three-unit online class
*met Krista at work for lunch
*bought gifts for various people


And, Shelley and I have plans to clean out my closet when we get home from It's A Grind, where I am working on the class. Now, it can definitely be argued that shopping, reading, and the TV watching I've also done is relaxing. That is certainly true. Reading David Sedaris can hardly be called stressful. But, the fact that I was bored at 11:00 this morning and decided to start my online summer classes on my second day of vacation is a bit telling.

Also, I am starting my National Boards in the fall. Which is a crapload of work. I got asked what made me decide to start that, and while the pay raise is an EXCELLENT motivation, I don't even think that's the real reason I'm doing it. I just have a need to be doing something all the time. Achieving something. Working toward something. There are definitely worse traits to possess. I mean, it does help me get a lot done. But I have been reflecting on this trait in the last year or so, when I realized that it is rare and bit extreme. Is it just a personality thing that I should work to its full advantage? Or should I analyze my need for achievement-perhaps it is reflective of some sort of issue I should work through?

I don't know. But I am going to go and work on that class some more.

My weekend, in outline form.

1. End of the year par-tay
a. Mary Hinds always has the BEST stories.
i. Janis Lukstein teaching tap dancing in her room.
ii. An unnamed AP doing yoga.
iii. The topless beach story.
b. The last day of school makes for the best parties
i. But with way less yelling this year.
ii. I recall a lot of high-fiving from me.
1. That’s probably not necessary, but is a sure sign I had a good time.
2. Kerri and I put together a bunch of Ikea furniture.
a. I actually like that there are no written directions, only pictures. I think the words would get too complicated. The pictures are pretty clear and they make it pretty hard to mess up.
i. Although I messed up on my file cabinet like four times.
b. If anyone needs an allen wrench, I got you covered.
c. Moving furniture upstairs that is in boxes is WAY easier than moving up actual furniture. I wish my bed was in an Ikea box.
3. I went to the beach
a. The beach is now only two blocks from my house.
i. YES!
b. I bought two types of sunscreen today
i. Faces=spf 70
1. I can’t believe a sweater didn’t pop out when I squeezed the tube of that stuff.
2. But it worked.
ii. Spray on=spf 50
1. Even if you are really albino, shouldn’t spf 50 do the trick, especially when you reapply it to your chest?
2. I am sunburned. ☹
a. I need to buy an umbrella.
4. I am going to bed now.
a. It’s hot.
b. My window fan, however, works wonders.
i. It is the wrong size for my new windows, but I think I shall still find a way to make it work.
5. Good night.
a. Good night, indeed.

And so it begins...

Have I mentioned that I hate moving? I always said that whenever I moved from my house I was going to leave everything behind and start a new life. Yeah, I'm totally full of it. I really like my stuff. But, here is my pros and cons list for moving thus far...

+actually got rid of about 25 books that I've either never read or didn't really like in the first place. (goodbye old math textbook and "I Gave Dating a Chance" by Jeramy Clark. That book was terrible.)
-I still have a kajabillion books to pack. I labeled one of my boxes "horribly heavy box of books."
+found my Everybody Duck CD from Hume Lake
-it doesn't have that one song I really like that I thought it did (at least not yet. It's playing while I pack/blog about packing while sitting on my bed).
+I have a couple bags of stuff for Goodwill
-I actually have to take said items to Goodwill. This, like so many other simple tasks, may be the death of me. Other chores in this same group include: addressing and mailing a letter, folding laundry, taking my car to the car wash, making a doctor's appointment, etc.

Can't we just skip to the part where all my stuff is in my new place and we have a housewarming party?

Stream of consciousness.

Why is Lorrie Moore's collected works only available in the UK? Booo. Everything cool is in England.

The movie About a Boy is really good. I think, actually, even better than the book. It's a really good story about community and how people need each other. If I were a pastor, I would show a clip of it in my sermon.

I like church, especially Grace Brethren Long Beach.

I need to start packing. And go get a money order for my apartment. And bring in the garbage cans. And get things done other than sitting on the couch watching a movie I've seen a million times. So, adieu.

Either my dogs or my daughters...

...will be named Benna and Sadie. Right now I am leaning toward Benna for the human and Sadie as the dog's name. But we'll see.

This is my way of telling you all that I am pregnant with twin girls. Or getting two puppies. Or that I am reading Anagrams and watching Across the Universe.

Pack it up, pack it in...

Is there anything worse than the moving process? My roommate and I are on the hunt for housing in Long Beach. Today we had an appointment to look at a great apartment in our price range in an awesome location. When we got there we found out it was rented this morning. It was SO disappointing. We also called on a bunch of places that ended up being out of our price range. And I know it takes time and we just have to keep looking, and blah blah blah, but ugh. Can't this be done yet? And, I know that even once we find something, the headache is far from over-I have to pack up all my crap (which I have a lot of), figure out utilities, buy new furniture, and then actually move. The prospect of all of this has put me in quite the funk.

I think the hardest part of it is that I am just a smidge controlling. And by just a smidge, I mean extremely. I like to have a plan, to know what is going to happen in my life. I always have a five-year-plan, just like Stalin (although with less emphasis on controlling Russia). And right now there are many unknown variables in my life. I'm not good at that. This morning at church Pastor Lou said that the need for control stems from fear. Fear that if you surrender control, things won't work out. That you won't be cared for or provided for. You won't get what you want and you won't be happy.

So what casts out fear? Perfect love. Perfect love enables you to trust that even when you relinquish control you will be provided for. That God cares for you so much that he will not hang you out to dry. Things don't always work out how you would plan or even in the ways that make you the most happy, but they work our according to his purpose. So, I need to trust that. And relinquish that control. But the vise grip I have on my life is hard to release. So, if anyone wants to speak truth into my life in regard to this issue, I'm all ears. (or eyes if it's via email/blog comment).